White Elephant Gift Exchange
by Sapphire Lee
Summary: ATF/AU- A White elephant gift exchange for Christmas, this story sorta reads as a sequel to *Deck the Halls*
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: ***ATF/AU* A White elephant gift exchange for Christmas, this piece sorta reads as a sequel to *Deck the Halls*

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything "The Magnificent Seven" related, Characters of M7 do not belong to me, I like so many others before me am merely using the amazing universe of the ATF, no monetary compensation received, just the pleasure of creative writing as stress relief

**Rating: **T

**Author's Notes:** This is pure drabble-fluff. I hope I have posted something others will enjoy reading. Humor is not my strong suit, but I am working on improving it. This piece sorta reads as a sequel to *Deck the Halls*, another story I started, but this idea got in my head and I couldn't stop until it was written

Funny idea? (it seemed funny in my head) I have participated in this kind of exchange, it is amazing what kind of random stuff becomes the hot ticket items people steal back and forth

Please be kind in your reviews! Not Betaed

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><p><strong>White Elephant Gift Exchange<strong> by Sapphire Lee

" Here are the rules for the gift exchange:" Buck announced

"1) We will draw names of one of us to see who we buy the well intended gift for"

"2) Each of us puts in a serious well intended gift for one of us"

"3) Then each of us puts in a random gag gift"

"4) All gifts are anonymously wrapped"

"5) There are a maximum of two steals before the gift is out of play"

"6) Everyone draws a number to find out the order you draw a gift from the pile"

"Is everyone in agreement?" Nods were received from all around the group

"We are getting back together for Christmas eve, we'll exchange the gifts then"

"Anything goes on the gag gift" Buck said with a mischievous grin

"But keep it within reason" Chris warned

"Ok, within reason" Buck compromised

The order of the names selected for the well intended gift was as follows:

Buck drew first since it was his idea to play this game, he selected Nathan. Then JD drew Ezra. Chris selected Josiah, Nathan drew JD. Vin pulled out Bucks name, Ezra selected Vin, and Josiah quite by accident drew Chris' name. Each agent looked at the others with grins of satisfaction and mischief in their eyes.

_Oh yes, this year's gift exchange was going to be great…(insert sh*t eating grins)_

The well intended gifts:

1) Nathan-Core Triage Wound Care Kit

2) Vin—Laser Scope Burris Eliminator Rifle Scope 12x 42mm

3) Chris—Intimidator Tactical Leg Gun Holster, available for automatics only and a concealment gun holster, the Seat Buddy Vehicle Gun Holster

4) Buck—Several Flashbangs, stun grenades

5) JD—Centron 64 Gigabyte Flash drive data stick

6) Ezra—Spypro Concealed X10 Wireless Wire transmitter

7) Josiah—The Art of War, by Sun Tzu, philosophy book & quotes

The gag gifts:

1) "100% Cowboy" Baseball hat

2) Mac and Cheese & Workout Video

3) Chia Pet & Pet Rock

4) "Born to Hunt Forced to Work" Baseball hat

5) The Sexy, Fast, and Practical Flashbang Bra Holster

6) FBI undercover agent Donnie Brasco doll

7) Mister Potato Head & doll set with clothes

Each member of Team 7 met back together on Christmas Eve bringing two gifts for the gift exchange. Everyone put their presents on the table. Then in the good spirit of the holiday, they looked each other over critically, trying to assess the type of present the others would contribute.

Buck held up a bowl with little pieces of paper in it, numbered 1-7, "Each of us will draw a paper, it represents the order we will select gifts. Everyone ready? Now let the gift giving commence" he decreed

December 2011

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><p>Were the gifts a good match? Now who do you think each gag gift will be grabbed up by? ***Note-The numbers for both gifts don't match up to the recipient.<p>

More chapters coming


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: No copyright infringement intended.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or Merry / Happy what ever you celebrate

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><p><em>Each member of Team 7 met back together on Christmas Eve bringing two gifts for the gift exchange. Everyone put their presents on the table. Then in the good spirit of the holiday, they looked each other over critically, trying to assess the type of present the others would contribute. <em>

_Buck held up a bowl with little pieces of paper in it, numbered 1-7, "Each of us will draw a number, it represents the order we will select gifts. Everyone ready? Now let the gift giving commence" he decreed_

Back together on Christmas Eve

"Who should draw first from the bowl?"

"Chris you're the fastest draw, you draw the first number" Josiah suggested with a laugh at his pun

"Naw, age before beauty" Chris countered with a laugh at his own joke

"Alright, as the most elder of the group, I will dive into the bowl first, however, I must hasten to point out, you Chris are no spring chicken nor beauty queen either" Josiah reached in to the bowl and withdrew a piece of paper. He looked at his selection and burst out laughing. He turned his paper over to show the rest of the guys. He had selected #1

Buck turned to Chris with the bowl, he reached in and pinched a paper. He turned over his paper to show the group, it said #6. Buck moved to Nathan with the bowl. Nathan closed his eyes and reached in. His fingers closed around a paper, he pulled it out and looked at his order of go, shaking his head and grinning he turned his paper over to show everyone he had selected #7. Buck moved on to JD. He used the no-look approach as well. He shoved his hand into the bowl and rummaged around until his fingers closed on a paper. He withdrew his paper slip and immediately looked at what he had picked up. It said #3, he proudly showed off his results to everyone. Buck looked at both Vin and Ezra to see who would go next. Vin stepped in front of Ezra to claim the next selection. Ezra was having none of that, he abandoned all sense of maintaining appearances, he shoved Vin aside, he was claiming the next spot. Ezra grinned victoriously at Vin. Vin was caught by surprise at the southerners forward offensive. Vin narrowed his eyes menacingly, then he shoved Ezra back, he put enough force into the push, to send Ezra off balance by several steps. Vin smiled back at Ezra triumphantly. Ezra put up his hands in surrender, Vin could be King of the mountain if he wanted it so bad.

"Tsk, tsk, remember your karma, your actions will come back to haunt you" Ezra said with foreboding and a disconcerting smile "After you Mister Tanner"

"Alls fair in love, war, and presents" Vin said with a smirk. Buck swung the bowl towards Vin so he could pick. Vin took his selection very seriously. He peered at the bowl from different angles, trying to best determine which remaining paper slip to pick. He deliberated for several minutes. He was so serious and focused, it was like he was in sniper mode, preparing to stalk an offender.

"Come on already Vin, before we get any older, I'd like to open the presents sometime this evening" JD chided, he was anxious and eager to get to the presents

"Alright, don't rush me, Ah'm making my choice" Vin retorted. Finally he decided to make his move. Fast as a snake strike, he plunged his hand into the bowl and seized a paper. He spun around secretively and peered at his paper. His paper said #2. Vin groaned and closed his eyes.

"What'd you get?" Chris asked curiously

Vin just held up his paper over his shoulder towards the group. They all laughed at the number. Vin turned around to face his friends, he grinned, it was hard to stay disappointed with all the light hearted laughter bubbling from the group.

Ezra stepped past Vin to get to Buck and the bowl, "Remember what I said about Karma coming back to haunt you" he taunted. Ezra could see there were two slips of paper left. He decided to let fate direct his hand, he reached into the bowl and selected the paper on the top left side. He turned his paper over, it said #4, with a grin he showed everyone around the group.

"OK, that leaves me, with #5" Buck said without looked at the remaining paper in the bowl, he noticed his friends looks of shock, "What?" he asked in confusion, "I can do math, don't look at me like that" he snapped

"So the order of go is as follows: #1 Josiah, #2 Junior, #3 JD, #4 Ez, #5 yours truly, #6 Chris, and #7 Nathan" Buck recounted

"Josiah, there is one gift with your name on it, start with that. Then after everyone has their first gift we'll select one of the unnamed gifts. Remember everyone, there is a two steal limit on gifts"

December 2011

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><p>Ok…so those well intended gifts and the gag gifts I mentioned in this story are all real items I found on websites, people can really buy that stuff, crazy ain't it? I did not invent any of them<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: No copyright infringement intended.

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><p>"<em>Josiah, there is one gift with your name on it, start with that. Then after everyone has their first gift we'll select one of the unnamed gifts. Remember everyone, there is a two steal limit on gifts"<em>

Josiah reached into the pile of gifts and extracted the one with his name on it. He turned over the wrapped present. He held the gift for a moment in his hands. He took a moment to say a silent prayer of thanks for the blessings in his life. Then he tore open the wrapping paper. Inside the box were two books and an audio CD. One book was a collection of philosophical quotes. The other book and the audio CD were of, The Art of War, by Sun Tzu.

"It is not too often one can read and listen to a 2600 year-old book and know that it still has relevance and importance today. The Art of War has long been considered not only a military classic, but a classic book in general. Sun Tzu's treatise on various aspects and components of wartime strategy is highly recommended for insight into the Eastern mindset and military planning. It also can apply to business, legal and educational situations as well."

He looked at each of his friends, "You gentlemen would benefit from the ancient words of Sun Tzu. I am honored and inspired to have the hard cover edition for my collection. As criminologist and profiler who studies a criminal's behavior for clues to psychology to aid in capturing them, understanding philosophy can be an invaluable tool."

Vin went over to the stack of gifts. He tentatively picked up his gift and held it reverently in his arms. Vin didn't want to damage the exterior. It was an elaborately wrapped box. Finally he slipped his finger under the edge of the paper and pried it open. The paper got a small tear in it. Vin froze for a second looking at the damaged paper, then with a snap he tore aggressively into the paper as the others laughed at his eagerness to get at the present.

Once he lifted the lid off the box, he displayed a Burris Eliminator 2011 Laser Rifle Scope. Vin sat frozen in awe looking at the laser scope. Without looking up he reverently stroked his fingers along the topline of the scope. With a choked up voice, Vin said "This laser has a range of 800 yards reflective, with 12x magnification, an objective diameter of 42 mm, and eye relief from 76 mm to 88 mm. It is compatible with night vision optics and can be used with a combat assault rifle or a .338 sniper rifle."

Vin had tears in his eyes, "This is more than I could have dreamed of. I can't wait to test this thing out at the rifle range!"

JD picked up the gift with his name on it. It was a small box. It was wrapped in Christmas wrapping paper. JD felt the lightness of the box and the object inside. He grinned and gave the box a slight shake. Nothing rattled around. He shrugged and then tore into the paper covered box. Inside he found a Centron 64 Gigabyte Sport Waterproof USB Flash Drive – black and red colored. For once JD was speechless. He stood staring at the data stick.

"Holy Crap Guys! This is incredible. I can store all my digital documents, pictures, video clips and MP3 files on this thing and still have room for more stuff. This thing must have cost a small fortune. Thank you so much"

Ezra selected his gift off the stack. The box had bright wrapping paper on it and was double wrapped in ribbon. There were masses of curly cue ringlets of ribbon cascading down the sides from the top. Ezra tried to politely untie the ribbon, however after several minutes of struggling with the uncooperative ribbon and with several chuckles from the others at his struggles, he finally conceded defeat and took the offered knife from Vin and severed the ribbon. He pushed the ribbon aside and used the knife to delicately slice the wrapping paper. He handed the knife back and lifted off the lid to the box. Snuggled inside the tissue paper was the SPY-CAM X10 Wireless Video Sender Body Wire.

"This is a truly splendid gift. Ah was looking at this model online. The concealed wireless transmitter transmits, at higher distances to obtain virtually irrefutable evidence. This unit frequently does not violate state and federal statutes prohibiting 'surreptitious' interception. The nature of the body wire, is that the wearer must be a party to the conversation, negates 'bugging' restrictions in many jurisdictions. Ah am honored to have this gift, it will make me feel like Ah am in safe hands when I am undercover"

Buck went to the gift pile and picked up his gift box. It was a plain red box with a gold ribbon wrapped around it, tied into a bow. A tag read *Buck—Caution—Handle with Extreme Care—Do Not Shake* Buck looked around at his buddies, with a grin. He cautiously opened the box. Peering inside cautiously, he was expecting something to leap out at him. When nothing attacked him, he more fully looked inside, pulling back the foam, he revealed 6 Flashbangs nestled inside. He went completely still, then gently touched one of them.

"Geez guys, I am touched, this is a really great gift. Stun grenades, how did ya know? I just used the last of my supplies during the last raid. These non-lethal weapons are also known as flash grenades and are used to incapacitate criminals. Most law enforcement departments frequently use them. I find these to be invaluable during a raid, they temporally neutralize the enemy by disorienting their senses. The flash of light momentarily activates all light sensitive cells in the eye, making vision impossible for approximately five seconds until the eye re-orientates itself, giving us a chance to get the jump on them"

Chris pulled out his gift. He tore into the wrapped box. Inside the tissue paper was a Tactical Leg Gun Holster and a Vehicle Concealment Gun Holster. Chris' face split into a humongous grin. The others crowded in to see what could make the man who usually scrawled his way through a day, with a glare that could curdle milk, get a smile a child would be proud of. He was so touched by the thoughtfulness of the gift. Chris looked around trying to figure out who got him this. He lifted up and showed off the leg holster and the vehicle holster "How did you know? I never said a thing. This leg holster is designed for Automatic guns. It will go great with my new gun. It is easy to use on the left or right side, just move clip and thumb break from one side of the gun holster to the other. It has a drop loop behind the metal clip for my belt to slip through so it can be secured to my thigh. The outer layer of the gun holster is ballistics nylon and has a vinyl vapor barrier and foam padding to help keep moisture off your gun. This gun holster comes with an extra magazine pouch for my spare ammo."

"And the Concealment Gun Holster-Seat Buddy Vehicle Gun Holster, I was looking at one of these in a catalog last month. It has an adjustable thumb break and fastens with a quick release adjustable belt to a bucket seat or bench seat. I love it, thanks guys"

Nathan picked up the gift with his name on it. It was a large heavy box. Nathan removed the wrapped lid. Inside the box he read - Core Triage Wound Care Kit- He tore into the package and looked at its contents with excitement. It contained: Adhesive Strips, Non- Adherent Pads, Non-woven Sponges, Latex Gloves, Elastic Shoulder Immobilizers, Splints, Gauze Pads, Suture Staples and Suture Staples Gun, Non-woven Pads, Medical Tape, Butterfly Closures, Band-Aids, Rolled Gauze, Drapes, Sterile Towels, Needles, Syringes, Instant Ice Packs, Compression Bandages, Wound Debriding Cleansers, Burn Dressings, Gauze Sponges, a Wound Measurement Chart, and IV Infusion Supplies.

Nathan looked around the group of his best friends with misty eyes. "I don't know what to say. This is….unbelievable. I can't…" he was at a loss for words. Suddenly he looked up at everyone, "I know exactly where I'll use all of this stuff, on you guys" he laughed and threw a roll of gauze at Vin who caught it and threw it back at Nathan.

"Now on to the second round of gifts"

December 2011

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><p>AN: Many thanks go out to Rustynail, for numerous invaluable suggestions to make this story more enjoyable


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: No copyright infringement intended.

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><p>"<em>Now on to the second round of gifts, there is a two steal limit on gifts"<em>

Gift Stealing time

"Josiah, go pick one"

Josiah went to the ordinary looking pile of gifts. But he knew better than to believe they were harmless, given the senses of humor that his brethren had. He picked up a small box. "There better not be anything immoral in here" he warned in good humor, giving the men a squinty eyed look which made a few of them squirm on their feet.

"Naw, nothing immoral, but how do you feel about depraved, fiendish, or just plain awful?" Vin laughed

"That'd be OK" he teased. Josiah opened his gift. Inside there was a Chia Pet Sponge Bob Square Pants. Beside that box was another box, it read Pet Rock. Josiah opened the pet rock box, inside nestled on a bed of straw was a rock and a brochure that read _Care Manuel for your Pet Rock_. He laughed his deep booming laugh "At least this pet won't make a mess, won't misbehave, and won't cost me too much money!" Josiah held up both items to show everyone.

"Vin your turn, do you want to steal Josiah's gift or pick something?"

"It's mighty tempting but I'll select a gift from the stack" Vin said. He went to the gift pile. He pulled a box out of the middle of the stack, toppling over other boxes. "Hope there is nothing fragile in those" When he picked up the box it gave a slight rattling sound. Vin raised his eyebrows in confusion not certain what could make that sound and opened his box. Inside there was 5 boxes of the family sized Mac and Cheese. Vin looked like he died and went to heaven. "I love this stuff" He pulled out a box to show everyone. There were different flavors: four cheese, original flavor, sharp cheddar, thick n creamy, and white cheddar. Beside the food in the box there was something else. He pulled out the thin plastic case, the cover read 'Ab-Apocalypse Work Out DVD' with a post-it note on it that said, _use to help burn off the calories from all that food. _

"JD, you're up, what's it going to be? Steal or pick?

"Iffen you know what's good for you JD, you won't touch this stuff" Vin warned while he crouched down protectively over his gift.

"I like Mac and Cheese, so Vin, I'm going to steal, fork it over" JD said with a grin and eagerly pried the food and workout video away from Vin.

"So that means Vin you go again, select another present" Vin walked in a huff back to the present pile and picked one. He opened the box, inside was a black colored baseball hat, it read "100% Cowboy" on it in white stitching. Vin grinned at the sentiment portrayed on the hat and showed it off to everyone.

"Ace, you're next". Ezra went to the gifts, he selected a nondescript looking box. He opened the box to see another box inside. Grinning, he pulled out that plain box. He opened that box, inside was another box. He smirked at the others, "I am seeing a pattern here gentlemen" while that others guffawed at his Russian nesting dolls set of boxes. Finally, the last box revealed its prize. Inside was a Mr. Potato head and a set of doll clothes. Ezra showed off the items which sent the guys into another round of laughter and sniggers. "Would anybody be interested in stealing this?" Ezra offered hopefully.

"I'm up" Buck said, "Nope that doll is all you Ez" He went to the gifts and selected one. In the box he found a FBI undercover agent Donnie Brasco doll. Ezra laughed at Bucks shocked expression that he also found himself with a doll.

"OK Pard, your turn" Buck said to Chris

"I see a lot of interesting loot available but I will take my chances with the gift pile" Chris pulled out a small box. When he lifted back the lid, inside was a navy baseball hat similar to the one Vin had, it said "Born to Hunt, Forced to Work" Chris threw back his head and laughed. "It's perfect". He showed off the hat to all the guys.

"Nathan, you have final choice, pick the last wrapped gift or steal, if you steal, then the person you steal from gets to either steal or open the last gift. What's it going to be?" Buck asked

"Well boys, I want the Mac and Cheese, sorry JD, but that will be mine" he said with a mischievous laugh at his coup of taking the food. "And by my count that is two steals so the Mac and Cheese is out of play"

"JD what its going to be, steal or open?" Buck asked

JD eyed the last gift, clearly nervous about taking something unknown versus one of the seen gifts, he decided for the safer route, "I'm going for the Chia Pet and pet rock, sorry Josiah"

"You little thief, that's twice you went for the steal, it's always the innocent looking ones you have to be wary of" Josiah muttered, "You better take good care of that rock" he warned.

"So Josiah, do you want to do the honors of opening the last box?" Buck asked

"Nope, I'm going to steal the Mister Potato Head from Ezra"

"It's your call Ez, open or steal?"

"Ah believe Ah'll take my chances with the steal, the Donnie Brasco, if you please" he said to Buck, "this undercover agent is a legend in the business, I will proudly display this figurine on my desk at work"

"Well I'm taking the 100% Cowboy hat, from Vin" Buck said with glee

"I'll take the 'Born to Hunt' hat from Chris" Vin fired back

"That'll be the '100% Cowboy' hat, please" Chris said to Buck, "And that is two steals so it is off limits" he said in victory

"Alrighty then, if no one amongst us is brave enough, I will do the honors, and open the last box" he muttered with secret excitement at the prospect of getting to open another present. Inside, nestled in tissue paper was the 'Sexy, Fast, and Practical Flashbang Bra Holster. Buck erupted into boisterous laughter. He held up the bra holster while continuing to hoot, snort and laugh.

Everyone laughed at the gift, it was so perfectly Buck.

"I declare this white elephant gift exchange closed" Buck said as he banged his hand down on the table, like a judge with a gavel.

"I think divine providence has resulted in each item finding the person it was made for" Josiah pronounced

"There is just one thing I gotta know, who purchased which gifts?" JD asked curiously

"I'm mighty curious as well. It seems we know each other pretty darn well. OK, everyone fess up" Chris commanded "Who'd you shop for?"

"I got Nathan his gift" Buck announced

"I got Ezra" said JD

"I selected Josiah" Chris said

"I pulled JD's name" Nathan said

"I got Buck" said Vin

"Funny thing, I got Chris" Josiah revealed

"And Ah shopped for Vin" Ezra declared

Buck handed out drinking glasses to each of his brothers in arms. He raised his glass of champagne, "A toast, to all of us. May this coming year be filled with good cheer, great spirits, surrounded by loved ones, and the blessing of being a part of each other's lives. It is an honor to know each of you and consider you my friends. And here's to continuing to successfully close cases and put bad guys away. Long live Team 7!" Everyone raised their glasses of Champagne.

"Here, here!"

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><p>*Fin*<p> 


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